How Becoming a Mom Changed Me
You ever look back on your life and wonder like why did I think like that? Why was I like that? I unfortunately have done that a lot since becoming a mom.
And you are probably like, "Ok Breanna, this is supposed to be a DIY and art blog. Why are all your posts so far about what you have learned?" Well first of all... I have one DIY post up lol. But also it is because I want to start this blog with a basis. Not just starting it somewhere out of the blue, but showing why the heck I am even doing this. And also to show that we can all learn from things and we grow.
Because I certainly have. A LOT.
So this is my post to show how I have grown. And also to come clean about things that I have thought or done that I am not proud of now.
So let's start off hot ok? Let's talk about the Black Lives Matter Movement. Oh ya we are going there.
So first if you have not checked out I am read my About Me page. And you will see that I am freaking white. I am blonde haired, green eyed, and pretty freaking pale. But I have never thought that I was racist. Or even came across as racist. Like I live by the quote Peace and Love!
But had you known me back in like say high school you may not have thought that.
And some of you reading this will be like "Uh Breanna we knew you in high school and you didn't talk". Well ya ok there was that. But if you actually were close to me and talked to me about certain topics I would have come across as racist.
And I am gonna just freaking throw my self under a bus here but I used to use the "N" word casually to friends. Never the hard "R", but still used it. And I always used it as a friend term kinda like "dude" or "bro," but still I used it knowing that it offended some people.
You could come back at me and like "Oh people get offended too easily now and days" and ok you do have a point there... somewhat.
Why would we keep doing something that makes someone uncomfortable or offends someone just so we can remain... well comfortable? Just keeping things the same they always have been.
Well I would like to say that women didn't always have the right to vote or own land. But we changed that and look where we are at now.
And also by not recognizing what we do offends people we are coming across that we are better than someone. That is doesn't matter if you offend someone because why do their feelings matter.
And I would like to say to that well what if someone did that to you?
And the Black Lives Matter Movement is not only just about offending a whole race. It about specifically targets a whole race!
A man died from suffocation from a cop for a bad check. Guys, there is video of him coming out of the store not resisting arrest, but then all of the sudden he gets pinned to the ground and dies!? And you can say, that oh "He was angry" or "He had a past drug life". And ok. Think about yourself in that position. And let me tell you, if I got the cops called on me for a freaking bad check I would be pissed! And ok, past drug life. I can actually name a few of my family members who had a past drug life. Are they that now? No. Should they be judged on that now? No.
So why do we always do that when someone not of our race gets arrested or killed for no reason?
Because it is easier to write off and go on with our lives!!
So I am here to say that I am working on that within myself. I am working on thinking of others first before my own comfort level. Why should we put others down to just get by in life?
Now let's talk about the LGBTQ+ community.
If you don't know what that stands for it is the Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, and Questioning community. And yes I was a hater for most of my life. Honestly until one of my close cousins came out as gay. Then I had babies that I wanted to grow to be uniquely themselves. And I wouldn't say that I was horrible and bashed the community, but I didn't agree with someone being of one of those labels. Or I didn't agree in rights for them.
And why was I like that? I would honestly have to say that it was because I was taught in church my whole life that it was wrong. And I am not saying here that I have left church or don't believe in God anymore. I am still fully a Christian. But I stepped back in my life at one point and realized that I was only thinking one way because that is how I was taught. I never stepped back and had a unique thought on the issue. Again because it was easier. And if you have all of these adults in church telling you one thing, why shouldn't I agree with them.
But then, like I said, I stepped back. I hit a low point in my life and just felt lost. Honestly I was 25 years old and felt like I had no idea who I was. So I opened myself up. And by doing that I re-evaluated a lot of my ideals. And this was one of them.
I have also come to a point now to that I want to do research on the Bible myself because I can not honestly believe that a God who is so loving and teaches us to love one another fully. And not judge each other. And who literally ate and welcomed and accepted a whole community that killed him in the end. And he knew it!
Why can I not love someone that God loves?
And then becoming a mom I wanted my babies to grow up and be fully, authentically, uniquely themselves. Well what if she came to me one day and said that she was gay? My old me would be like "Nope you're just going through a phase." And I can't say now that it's not going to shock me. But I am working on that. But I can tell you this fully and honestly, my feelings or idea of her will not change one bit. I will still love her fully and completely.
And thats what we should do for everyone! Just love guys. LOVE.
Doesn't matter if we don't understand fully someones choice. But we still should support and love everyone. Just like Jesus would do.
Now onto a big one: Mental Health.
This one hits home for me. I will tell you very ashamedly that I would think someone was over reacting about anxiety. Or that they just needed to get out of being sad.
Guys I hate to admit this, but I used to get so mad a people who would commit suicide. I would hate that they thought that was the only way out. But I would also get mad at how they could do that to their families. How could they leave everyone they loved behind like that?
But I never stopped to think of just how low that had to get to get there. How horrible they were feeling to literally think taking their life was easier.
Then life slapped me in the face.
Remember when I said 25 hit me hard. Well it did and I hit a real low. But I got out of it.
But then I became a mom and postpartum anxiety hit me like a bag of freaking bricks.
I want to talk about my experience more in depth later, but man all I can think now is like how did I not value others feelings. Like even if I knew that someone had the tendency to blow things out of proportion, why did I still not value when they recognized that they were not in a good place.
And now I am trying to learn more also about little ones feelings and supporting their feelings. Like hello sometimes I get emotions I don't understand. Why is that any different for my babies who are literally still learning everything?
So ya unfortunately it took me to recognize my own issues in order to value someone else's mental state. But I will say that I am there for you. If you need someone I am there.
Now that I covered the big topics, let me just list off the smaller ones:
Health Care - everyone deserves it. I don't know how people live without it. We need to change our health care system to be more accessible and honestly cheaper. I used to think that people just need to get jobs so they get insurance and quit complaining. But then we went through some health issues that I will talk about later too. And man we had to scrape by. And that was with like really good insurance! But to think of someone in the same situation but can't have the same care because they can't afford it or don't have insurance it's just crazy to me now.
Our Planet - we need to take care of it better. Like trash littering beaches and freaking everywhere is just sad. Animals dying because of how we are living is sad. Trees being taken down to just make more products is sad. I love trees. We have a beautiful planet and I want my babies to experience it just like I have. I want to experience the places that I haven't been to in their full glory! So I just want to do my part to recycle and just be nicer to it.
Government - I do not want to go into politics! But man why can we not all just get along? Why can't we realize that there are crappy people on both sides and that both sides have bad ideas? Why can't we be like the medium person that like "ok that sounds like a good idea but I don't agree with this"? Like why is it all or nothing anymore? And why is everyone just so angry!? I am trying to be more open to everyone's ideas and just listen. Just sit back and learn sometimes, you know?
Well man that was a heavy post. But it feels good to get all of this out in the open. It feels good to show how I have changed and I hope it inspires someone to just step back for a second.
I am still learning and I hope that I am always learning.
Tell me in the comments below how you have changed as a mom or heck just growing up. I would love to start a conversation that is open and loving and constructive. No hate!
And with that I will leave you to ponder.